In team collaborations or when exchanging with any superior, think about the following: It is often not (only) what we say, but how we sell our words.
What do I mean by that?
It has taken me some years of practice to understand that I tried to express the right thing, but that it was perceived differently.
When I had big doubts about someone’s proposal or approach, I often immediately started with my main concerns. I did not want to waste any time on minor thoughts and jumped right into the big challenge.
Some people for sure had a similar mindset and could therefore quickly relate to my thoughts. But some others first heard all those concerns, which felt like a NO or too many doubts to them.
Luckily, one of my supervisors highlighted his perception to me and said that he felt like I would first see what is not working instead of finding a way to make it work. And after some more exchange, we both understood that I did not think or feel that way, that my intention was a good one, and that it could be perceived negatively by someone else.
I started observing this point in my conversations and worked on my "marketing style". I wanted my conversation partners to not only understand my message, but moreover recognize the benefit in it.
Concluding this point, I recommend starting with a positive mindset and a clear YES.
Does this mean that I let go of my perspective?
Not at all. I would only prefer to first create resonance by signaling that we head into the same direction. And after being on the same page, I would invite my conversation partner to consider some of my challenging thoughts.
Ideally, we would either resume the meeting with a YES from both sides and accepting some limiting conditions. Or my partner would recognize himself that he had not considered all important points and conclude himself to choose the NO.
And sometimes, if I feel that I’m losing important points and heading into the wrong direction, I would let time try to help me and come back another day. It often takes perseverance and patience to reach an agreement or compromise which works for all parties included.
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