"Early feedback is usually better than late criticism.
Delaying the conversation or stringing someone along with indirect feedback won't make them feel better once the real issue is finally addressed.
Nobody likes getting bad news, but everyone appreciates clarity."
(James Clear)
A synonym for early feedback is situational feedback.
Situational feedback means that you give feedback in the moment of the situation.
When something happens that is not meeting your expectations.
When there is a misbehavior.
When you feel hurt or misunderstood.
Instead of delaying your reaction, you will address it immediately.
Immediate reaction often solves a potential or starting conflict.
Moreover, immediate feedback is more fact-based. When being in the situation, you and the other person will remember more clearly what just happened and can better explain their perspective, including details that will vanish after hours or days or months.
Except if there are too many emotions on either side. If you are totally furious about something, better delay the conversation and calm down first.
The earlier you talk about an issue, the smaller it is and the quicker it can be resolved and forgotten.
If you decide to remain silent, you will postpone the problem and create a conflict.
Conflict first of all because you yourself will keep a negative memory and carry it with you all the time. If you don’t let go of it, you will establish a negative connotation between that person and the negative example.
Most probably, you will not meet again and just think, "Oh, she is great!". There will be a small negative thought in the back of your mind. And even if you don’t say a word about it and just smile, there will be a subtle conflict. The bigger that negative thought, the stronger the other person will feel that something is wrong, even if she is unaware of what happened or what you think.
In corporate life, I often meet colleagues who either don’t dare to express their thoughts or who explode emotionally, attacking the other colleague on a personal level.
The same happens between supervisors and their directs. In a worst case, the supervisor would be unhappy with their employee’s working style or results, but not say anything.
At a later point in time, they would ask HR to get rid of this employee without ever having expressed their expectations clearly.
Or they would collect all sorts of small examples and give a huge negative feedback during their annual review meeting. And the employee would sit there in disbelief and not understand why everything seemed to be great before and now it is not. What a shock!
So, as you can read, I am a big fan of direct and situational feedback.
The earlier the better.
The less emotions the better.
The more fact based the better.
The smaller and more precise the better.
The smaller the feedback, the easier it usually is to give it and to receive it. It won’t feel like a big deal - for both sides. The hurdle won’t be too high to address it. And it won’t hurt that much to accept it - and go into a small behavior change afterwards.
HOWEVER: Don’t forget to choose your feedback wisely.
Not only with regard to what you say and how you address it.
Make sure that you don’t start criticizing small, unimportant stuff.
If you think that you can turn another person into a mini-you by blowing all your thoughts and expectations on her permanently, you might become an annoying micromanager who only accepts his own version of what’s right.
To sum it up: Choose early feedback instead of delaying problems. But focus on what really matters and always allow for individuality.
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